We’re in that weird time in between Christmas and New Years where, traditionally, I have either played whatever video game I got for Christmas for several days straight, or have done other activities all while hating myself for being fat and unproductive. There’s this great Sylvia Plath quote from The Bell Jar.
“I felt overstuffed and dull and disappointed, the way I always do the day after Christmas, as if whatever it was that the pine boughs and the candles and the silver and gilt-ribboned presents and the birch-log fires and the Christmas turkey and the carols at the pianos promised never came to pass.”
If the typical Christmas celebrations are part of your life/heritage, then you probably know what Sylvia and I are talking about. Depending on your experience, there can be something about the avarice and gluttony of Christmas that can make you hate yourself pretty much a lot. I know there are a lot of mental health triggers around Christmas, including managing expectations, remembering what things were like as a kid, etc. Typically I usually wrap myself up in the warm arms of a video game and then hate myself for wasting time, or hate myself for eating too much and being out of shape. This all counts down to when I try to do a New Years Resolution and inevitably fail.
But… not this year, you guys.
I’m not sure exactly what makes something the best or worst Christmas ever, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt so good exiting a Christmas as I do this year.
I mean, it can’t hurt that this was a really amazing Christmas. Tons of people were able to make it, including the entire Carl extended family minus Uncle John, who is living the dream on an island (literally, so I get it why he didn’t come back). Wait, can we back up to Christmas Eve Morning, when it SNOWED??? IT SNOWED A BEAUTIFUL SNOW! It hadn’t snowed more than few flakes up until that point. Yeah, the roads were a little dicey, but that didn’t stop us. Okay, it nearly killed my brother and sister-in-law, but they made it just fine, all right?
My daughter was just in love with the snow. That morning she was going crazy running through it to leave tracks with her rolling suitcase.
Though it was admittedly a tamer White Elephant year than previous years (no Trump and Hillary masks or bail bonds swag this time) I managed to get rid of some stuff I didn’t want (okay, and get some stuff I didn’t want, but whatever) and as they say, one person’s trash is another person’s treasure. The best part of the eve was just having everyone able to make it, with my cousins coming all the way from NYC and Seattle.
Of course we had tons of awesome FOOD both days. We ate salmon primavera, chilles rellenos, oysters, pork roast, orange duck, and SO MUCH CHEESE. Also we had so many presents we had to start on Christmas Eve and periodically start and stop so we could get meals in. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW it’s not about the stuff, but I must not have pampered myself much lately because I was like crying with happiness because I got the kinds of things that were very much about self care and making me feel good about me.
I think I got a total of 8 bath bombs, a bunch of skincare products, and a fitness tracker and wireless headphones to encourage me to exercise. And things to make me feel pretty like clothes and jewelry. All of that just makes me excited about… being me and enjoying being me, which is not something that I often allow myself.
So I just got my fitness tracker set up today, and got all my healthy apps and stuff going. Check out the news/updates section of ameliakibbie.com to read about my thoughts on New Years Resolutions and all that crap.
It was great. Nobody was sick. Nobody got in a fight or even a mild disagreement. It snowed and everyone was happy.
I’m all set to have a great few days off… even though I’ll be spending most of it potty training (we already had poop and pee on the floor today! WHEEEEEE!). Though I have to admit, trying to clear all of the Christmas music out of my personalized stations on Youtube Red and Pandora is getting pretty damn annoying…
Anyway, to anyone reading this, I hope these dark solar days are instead filled with good times of whatever sort you enjoy the most.