Yesterday, I cleaned up poop an estimated 8 times.

I’m potty training my daughter, and we had an abundance of accidents yesterday. See, we’re doing this “newfangled” potty training method where you spend like three days at home letting the kid run around naked and putting them on the potty when they start to go. Step two is going about your normal life, but kiddo is wearing pants commando. Then, allegedly, you are allowed to put them in underwear when they are consistent with the potty habit. Yeah, we’re not there yet.

On top of that, I (or SOMEONE in the house, ahem, it doesn’t HAVE to be me every time, just saying) forgot to change the cat litter on Wednesday, and possibly the Sunday before that. So, in rebellion, our three cats spent yesterday while we were out leaving various land mines scattered throughout the house. So I got to clean those up, as well as change the litter and scrub out the box, etc.

By 8pm, I threw up my many-times-washed hands and cried, “I’M SICK OF POOP! NO MORE POOP FOR ME TODAY, OKAY?”

“I get it,” said my husband.

Thank God Alyssa’s last poop of the day was in her nighttime diaper.

So, I’m really, really sick of seeing and smelling and cleaning up poop. HOWEVER, my online buddy Elizabeth tagged me in a meme this morning, and I’ve been laughing about it on and off since 6am:


Full disclosure: I am 34 years old. And I’m giggling right now, yet again, looking at this. Which, I’m sure many of you are thinking, is too old to find this kind of thing funny.

Of course as kids everyone thinks poop, pee, farts, and butts are hilarious. One of the best middle grade novels I’ve ever read is The Day My Butt Went Psycho. You may remember some playground gems that included chants like “Milk milk lemonade, ’round the corner fudge is made, stick your finger up the hole, what comes out, a tootsie roll.” Some of my friends from childhood and I actually co-wrote songs about poop. Here are the lyrics to one of our masterpieces:

Poop potty pee

Oh poop poop poop

Poop potty pee

Oh poop poop poop

Poop potty pee

Oh poop poop poop


If you made it through this post so far without laughing, congratulations. You are a smarter and more sophisticated person than me. But you may also be dead inside, just saying.

I have a coworker who literally laughs every time I say “duty.” She’s older than me, and always feels like she has to explain herself or apologize for having a middle school style sense of humor. Obviously, I’m not going to judge her, because I think it’s funny too. Another of my coworkers and I were talking about how we both had diarrhea over the weekend (I love my job) and we started messaging each other refrains from the famous Diarrhea Song, which, by the way, has its own official website. This one was our favorite:

When you lie down for siesta
and your ass has a fiesta…

Diarrhea (toot toot) diarrhea

So now we say things like, “I ate at Red Lobster this weekend and my ass had a fiesta” or “I’m home with an ass fiesta.”

She kept asking me, “Is there something wrong with us that we think this is funny?”

Well, I declare here and now before the whole internet, that if thinking the Diarrhea Song is funny is wrong, then I don’t want to be right!

I just don’t think anyone should be in a hurry to grow up so much. There’s a universal quality to toilet humor. We all have to do it. Kim Kardashian poops. Many of us have to clean it up (not Kim, she can pay someone to do that, which is why she sucks). If you can’t find the humor in poop then all you’re left with is… shit.

Feel free to judge me. I sorta do hate myself a bit for enjoying toilet humor. I know what sophisticated people I respect would say about me. But I can’t live a lie, either.

There is a time and a place for everything. There is a time to sow, a time to reap, a time to use intellectual wit and dry, complex humor, and a time to laugh at farts.

And that time is NOW. Enjoy one of my favorite songs from Bob’s Burgers.